Before we get into it, I just want to say that this a lengthy read and I would really appreciate you taking your time to go through it.
Happy New Year💃💃💃 Welcome to 2023!!!
This is the first post of the year and I’m really looking forward to my Substack experience with you this year. If I would describe 2022 in a word- I’ll use amazing. I finally started my blog and that’d be the best decision I made last year. Even though I wasn’t able to do all I hoped to during the strike, I’d say I had a pretty great year.
While entertaining the idea of writing on this topic, I was also debating if I was ready to be vulnerable as I was on this table.
This is funny because I realized I was a passive aggressive person during a misunderstanding I had with someone last year and I really disliked how I handled the situation. And just like I did when I noticed I was taking things too personally back then, I decided to find out ways on how to stop.
Now, because passive-aggressiveness is a long word, I’ll be using PG to denote either passive aggression, passive aggressive or passive aggressiveness, the context in the sentence would tell you which one.
According to Psych2Go channel on YouTube, the term ‘passive-aggression’ originated in the American military during World War II. It was used to describe soldiers who refused to comply with orders in a particular way. Rather than refusing outright, they sulked, procrastinated and were deliberately inefficient. This attitude displayed by the soldiers is an indication of being passive aggressive.
So, how do you know if you or someone you know is a passive aggressive person? Here are more signs below👇
1. You hate direct confrontations- You tend to avoid conflicts in all the best ways possible. If it has to do with challenging someone who offended you face-to-face, you’re out.
2. Using indirect communication that has to be analyzed to know their meaning. Examples include; giving the silent treatment or unhelpful responses like Whatever, leave me alone, Okay, Do you, etc. to people you’re angry with, procrastinating on purpose, withdrawing rather than expressing hostility or being hostile with a smile.
3. Giving subtle jabs and insults instead of talking about your feelings. Or giving people backhanded compliments (serious thinking is required to know if it’s a compliment or an insult).
4. Keeping scores- you like keeping track of all the favours you did for someone.
5. You tend to sabotage- you take your anger out by deliberately messing things up for the person who made you feel angry.
If after reading these signs you figure out that you’re a passive aggressive person, don’t beat yourself up about it🤗 The fact that you recognize these behaviours as part of your actions is a good step in the right direction❤
A lot of people are being PG because it’s easier than being assertive and others are PG due to their background or upbringing. They’ve been taught that expressing anger is a bad thing. We should note that PG is also ‘aggression’ but in a subtle way and according to Dr Marie Fang, PG is the space between anger and silence.
Now, what if someone you know is giving you PG energy? You’ve tried to get them talk about their feelings but they’re aren’t budging. The first thing you should do is to send them this blog post😅😅 (just kidding but if you’re really close to them, you can try. 2023 is the year of growth🥂).
Here are some tips on how to be immune to PG and how to handle a situation with a PG person. Continue reading
1. One thing you should always know is that PG people want you to be defensive so you already think you’re wrong- Don’t accept the blame yet, check if you’re really wrong.
2. Remember that you only have control over your own behavior- you can’t change people.
3. Try calling them out genuinely. Ask them what they want from the situation and what they hope to achieve by giving out that energy.
4. People who are PG are likely to stay away from you if they know you know about it. They are afraid you might expose them when they see that their PG doesn’t work on you.
5. To figure out if someone is giving you PG energy, you must be able to read non-verbal communication- it’s more powerful than verbal communication (open your eyezzzzzz👀👀)
On reading non-verbal communication, I have a personal story which I would share in the part two of this blog post (look forward to it!!!). Here’s a little catch up since Christmas day👇
1. I finished reading After Lives by Abdulrazak Gurnah (2021 Noble prize winner) and it was an amazing read. This book reminded me of my love for historical fiction- I’ll always love books like The Kite Runner, A Thousand Splendid Suns, And the Mountains Echoed and Pachinko.
2. I’ll be going back to school this week and my enthusiasm to resume is around 70 percent. It’s as if I’ve been dreading school work.😅😭😭 Lmao.
3. I’m really enjoying songs by Bidemi Olaoba, Laolu Gbenjo and Bisi Immanuel (It’s everywhere on Tiktok and I’m enjoying the melody💃💃)
How’s the New Year going for you? Did you have any New Year resolutions? (Mine was to read more books this year outside academic ones). I hope you’ve benefitted a lot from this post? If you did, please tell me in the comments. Support me by subscribing to this newsletter if you haven’t.
Also follow me on Instagram and Twitter to see snippets and designs of my blog posts. Thank you for reading❤
Yours in love,
LamLam.
Thanks for reading LamLam the storyteller ! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.
It is really not easy 🥺. But it is a must